The Smurf Manifesto

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, I now have to worry about communist smurfs. As George McFly said in "Back to the Future": "Lou, give me a milk!"

This is some truly crazy stuff. Unbeknownst to me, there has been a silent war raging on the Internet for years about whether the Smurfs, those lovable blue characters from the 1980s television show, were actually a subtle plot by their Belgian creator to present communism in a kindler, gentler light to younger generations. Don't believe me? Then look here, here, and here.

Where do people find time to dream up this crazy stuff? Granted, Brainy Smurf (below right) does bear a striking resemblance to Leon Trotsky (below left), the communist intellectual hero of the early Soviet Union:



But really, does it have to come to this? I could sit here all day long and dream up the parallels between "The Love Boat" and the Bush White House. But I am not going to go there. OK, maybe I will. Be patient with this analogy, for it has some leaks (no offense, Rove): Bush is Captain Merrill Stubing, Cheney is Doctor Adam Bricker, Karl Rove is Yeoman-Purser Burl 'Gopher' Smith, Colin Powell is Bartender Isaac Washington, Laura Bush is Cruise Director Julie McCoy, and the Bush twins are a combined Vicki Stubing).


In case you are wondering where the genesis for this blog post is, it actually came from Belgium (you know, that country in Europe that is a good NATO ally, got invaded pretty bad in WWI and WWII, and has since given us those famous waffles). Here I was, going about my business in 2005, when I saw this interesting article about how UNICEF is using a cartoon of a Smurf village being bombed to make an anti-war message on Belgian television: Bomb's Away!!! It appears that creator of the Smurfs was Belgian! (commie bastard!) And furthermore, he wore spectacles! (double commie bastard!!) Where is Joe McCarthy when we need him??? Surely, if the good senator were still with us today, he would have a field day with this diabolical plot. And here I thought I only had to worry about the Teletubbies (aren't they trying to turn my kid into a switch-hitter?).

Further research into the use of the Smurfs as political propaganda yielded the raging "Smurf Communism" debate. Perhaps I can carve my own niche in the political analysis world by turning my "Bush Administration - Love Boat" theory into a book. That would give me tenure and a life-time privilege to waste even more tuition and taxpayer money on frivolous pursuits.